he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
