Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
