she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
