At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
