You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
