he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
