the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
