"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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