I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Is this like a preordered booty call?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize