I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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