Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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