Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize