I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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