I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I need to align my fucking chakras
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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