I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
