Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize