Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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