He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
