What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
