I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
