I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
