If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
