And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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