He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
if only i could text you this smell
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize