Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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