Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
