I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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