I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
