Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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