He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
