we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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