I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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