is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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