toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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