Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
