I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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