Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
