Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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