Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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