Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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