Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
