a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize