I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
