I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
