my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
