just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize