I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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