He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize