I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize