Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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