i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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