you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
