i was rollin on her like bob the builder
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
