He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
