Whod you bang
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
