Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
