i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
