Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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