He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
