By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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