I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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