do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
