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She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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