She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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