I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
