He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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