im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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