her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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