My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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