She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
