I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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