I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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