Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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