new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
