dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
