Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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