u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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