he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize