You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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