I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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