They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
