based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
