He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
