you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
