It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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