Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
