1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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