Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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