i just google imaged poop.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
