All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
