i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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