well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
