Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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