guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
