So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
