I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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