he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
