Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
